Teach me how to Gronkowski. Teach me, teach me how to Gronkowski.

Last sunday was a big day. SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!!!!!!! As the Giants and Patriots were getting ready to play the biggest game of the year, much of the talk was about the Patriots superstar, record breaking, porn star banging, douchy looking Rob Gronkowski. Rob, can I call you Rob, had injured his ankle pretty severely two weeks prior in the Pats AFC Championship victory over the Baltimore Ravens. Which meant for two weeks before the game, most of the media attention was focused on "Gronks" ankle. Will he play? Will he be limited? Will he be a factor? (Side note: I love the NFL, but nothing makes me wanna stop watching ESPN more than the two weeks leading up to the Super Bowl or the seemingly three months leading up to the draft.) After hearing about this dudes ankle for two weeks the game finally was played. The Patriots lost, once again, in devastating fashion to the Giants. Again. And Gronkowski's production was minimal.( 2 catches for 26 yards as opposed to backup tight end Aaron Hernandez's team leading 67 yards and a touchdown.) Now, after having probably the best season ever for a tight end (1327 yards and 17 touchdowns) you would assume the Patriots superstar of the future would probably go sit in his locker, think about the performance that could have been, gone straight home or back to his hotel, reflect, and think about getting his ankle back in shape, and thinking about how to get better next season. or something like that. That is not exactly what happened. While most Patriots players and coaching staff were most likely be comforted by friends and family and thinking about the mistakes they made that cost them professional football's most coveted prize, Gronkzilla (to the best of my knowledge I invented that nickname) did the most logical thing that came to his mind: Hit the club and get some post Super Bowl tramp tail! Just hours after the "crushing" defeat he had just experienced, he and team mate Matt Light were spotted at a hot nightclub in Indianapolis( which is like being the hottest chick at a ugly girl convention) dancing the night away with party-rock group LMFAO. Now when I say dancing, I don't mean he was hanging in the corner bobbing his head to the music. Dude was DAAAANCING. Now, maybe that's just the way the man who brought us the phrase "Yo soy fiesta" or "I am party"( ps. he couldn't have thought that made him sound cool could he?) eased the pain. Some people were making a big deal about this but, surprisingly, not a lot of this was made by his team mates. Personally, if i just left everything I had out on the field in the biggest game of my carrer, lost, and later found out one of my superstar team mates was out getting his club on, I think I'd be pretty upset. Hopefully somebody sits down and has a long talk with this dude before next season. As much as I don't care for the Patriots, they seem to be a group of straight up ball players with no dudes on the team that think the game is bigger than them. Gronkowski is surely the douchy dude on the team who needs to be smacked around a little bit. If a couple more party videos or porn star tweets of this cat come out before the start of next season, don't be surprised to see Tom Brady look for his other options just a liiiiitle bit more.

Back to school, back to schoooool....

So I haven't been in college in like three years. Why? Was it because I felt as if I didn't need it? No. Was it because I was too busy working and did not want to trade the opportunity to make cash for the chance to to gain a proper education? Maybe a little. Was it because I always meant to get back into school but was just too lazy to actually go sign up for class and then all of a sudden it was too late? That actually probably sums it up the most. But now, for whatever reason it may be, I have made my triumphant return. Unfortunately, the lazy side popped up enough to only allow me to sign up for one measly late start class. However, this could be the best way for me to do so. I had plans of originally taking a full workload and signing up for 4-5 classes. Considering I haven't been in school in three years or so, that may have turned into the biggest mistake I could have made. Also, since I kind of sucked at school all the previous times I started, I am forced into going to a community college as opposed to an actual University. On the one hand it sucks because I'm basically forced into working as hard as possible to go from this school to a real school. On the other hand, it's way cheaper and, in my opinion, filled with way more colorful characters for me to make my observations on members of this race we call human. As of today i know three people's names in my class and non of them are my teacher. I honestly have no idea what her name is. I think she's married though. Also, she appears to be not that much older than me which kind of makes me feel incredibly behind in the " What am I doing with my life?" category. She also presents everything we would need to take class notes on in a power point form which is also available online, making it somewhat completely unnecessary to take notes in class. When there's no notes to be taken, and all we are talking about is information that is provided online, I get bored. However, it has opened up a fantastic opportunity for me to take notes on members of my class and wacky things said in class. This is very fun. I took three pages worth of notes to day and the majority of them were just about things that happened in class and things said by my other classmates. So, getting to the point of this blog, I will now share with you my general observations on class accompanied by any information needed to fully explain what was going on. So, without any further ado, heres what happened in class today.

Thursday, feb. 9, 2012

-First off, I drew a picture of the brain child sitting next to me. He seems to be competing for the top spot as far as mentions are concerned. The drawing was accompanied by the line,"What's due next Tuesday? Oh it's due at the4 end of next month? oh ok." This dude loves to ask questions and his first of the day was about an assignment due next Tuesday. The teacher told him it was due March 29. Already i can tell this kid pays attention and will be the subject of many great moments throughout the course of the semester.

- "Not very popular vote." - We have just been told the popular vote in regards to the election of a president really means nothing. Also, this is to show not all notes will be winners.

- "I'm with weird guy -------->" At this point I do not know the name of the guy sitting next to me, however, I've discovered he's a little weird.

-"----------> Dude loves to talk and make points. They're kinda dumb though. (Update: his name;s Joe. Makes sense)Dude has two pencils and a sharpener. What??? (Update: Never raises hand to speak.)" Pretty much speaks for himself. The end part refers to the point that our teacher asks all the students to raise their hands if they want to answer a question. Joe apparently has no plans to ever do this.

-"Teacher with Rock 'n' Roll hair and bangs!?!?" She does.

-"Some dude maced a St.Charles Cop. I'm afraid of him. Bet he likes either heavy metal or jam bands." This guy is the other person making a push for most mentioned class member.

-"I got a lot of wigs!!(accompanied by picture)" There is an older black woman in my class and the teacher pointed out that she changed he hairstyle to which she responded, "get used to that. mI got a lot of wigs!!"

-"Teacher said "What's up with that?" I guess she's cool. Also, she was on T.V.. She's famous!!(Sex tape scandal?) (Update: no sex tape : (just talked about Rick Santorum)" Once again, speaks for itself.

-"Chick in the back likes to show everyone how smart she is." This girl is that person in class who knows a decent amount about the subject matter but, instead of just answering questions, feels the need to give a long, detailed description for all of her answers.

-"Teacher = sassy. I like it but I'm never raising my hand." It is at this time I've decided to never raise my hand unless I am absolutely certain of the answer because if you are wrong she will say you are and usually have a snappy little comeback. Which, I must say, I enjoy.

-"Update: i kinda wanna punch Joe in the face." I kind of wanted to.

-"Update: I'm really afraid of Justin." The guy who maced the cop is named Justin and has divulged just enough information for me to be totally afraid of him.

-"Classroom stats: Josh 1/1 answering questions." I knew the answer. booyah!!!

-" My teacher just said Bullshit. She's awesome. Oh and she remembered my name."

-"Teacher will not be stepping on Joe's lawn." Joe made a comment on the second amendment about how in Texas you can shoot someone for stepping on your lawn.

-"Update: Justin's OK. I could hang with him. However, as soon as it looks like some shit could go down, I'm out." At this point, I'm not totally afraid of Justin. I still have my eye on him though.

-"Craig is kind of a know-it-all but he doesn't know as much as he thinks he does." Craig is the third name I've learned and he's that kid that tries to answer questions a lot. He's almost got the right answer but not quite.

Well folks, that's all for today's class. PLease come back next tuesday and thursday to see what's new in class. Should be interesting. Good night and thanks for making it the whole way through.

Hey I'm back

So this blog used to be fairly popular. Then I just stopped. Then I tried to bring it back. Then I just stopped. Hopefully this time it'll stick around for a while. There's so much to talk about and I feel the need to get my voice out there for all the little people out there. So welcome backif you're an old fan. If you're new to the game, I hope you enjoy it.

Hey Dawg, if you Wanna Sit There and Tell me a Long Ass Story, can you at Least be Interesting.

This is a blog that goes out to a certain group of people. The people that think that, because they do or can do something you can't, they can tell you a 30 minute story about it and think that you're interested the whole time. Let's be serious son. Shit is straight lame. I mean, let's say, you have climbed Mount Everest. Neat. Now, if you wanna tell me the AMAZING story of how you did it, ask me if I give a shit for real first. I probably won't. It's cool and all, however, I don't need to hear every goddamn detail. "I went to Mount Everest and I climbed it. Shit was cold and it sucked for the most part." Gnarly dude. If I wanna know anymore details I'll ask you. If that's good enough, let it be good enough. This blog is inspired by the fact that I just listened to someone(who shall remain nameless) talk about his day of surfing. Honestly, how much can you tell me about it. If Kelly Slater is sitting here talking to me, I'll listen all day. Unfortunately bro, you're just some random dude who's only surfed around here and never gone and hit some serious waves. I don't know a lot about surfing and I definitely don't need to be told what it's all about by you "bruh". Shut up and pass the jay maaaaannnnn. Anyway, if you're one of these people who feels the need to tell every single detail of something you did and everything you saw, and someone said, and a bird that flew by that you saw, or a dump you took, or a bug that flew by your face, etc., just look up a couple minutes into the conversation and look at the peoples faces you're talking to. If they're staring into space.........wrap it up and just shut the fuck up.

So Tiger Woods did What Now?

You know, for a while, I thought the most annoying athlete in professional sports was Brett Favre. He's retired. He's not retired. He's retired? He's.........not retired? Who gives a shit? The dude loves attention. If i was one of that dudes new teammates on whatever team he's going to wind up playing for I would sit out as many practices after he signed that he did not participate in. When the coaches asked me what i was doing, I'd just say, "Well, if the dude we signed that's as old as my grandpa, getting paid more than me, and is just walking right into a starting spot got to miss three months or so of practice and receive all this star treatment, then I expect the same." I mean, it's hard to argue against that. But anyway, that's for another time.
Ahhh Tiger Woods. That photo embodies the majesticness of a man who took a sport that most people could have cared less about until he arrived. The best golfer in the world. The richest athlete in the world. Any and everything he wanted was his. He was, in a sense, a King. So, in true kingly fashion, he lived like a king. He had money to throw around. He lived a lavish lifestyle. He did whatever he wanted and knew that nothing would happen to him. Unfortunately, as history has shown us, every now and then the king gets overthrown.
Last year, around thanks giving, one of the kings wenches was discovered by the queen. In this case the queen was former Swedish model Elin Nordegren. Rather than a sword fight, her weapon of destruction was a golf club. The irony of the situation was tremendous. A golf club. The tool that helped the pauper rise to the top and claim his crown, was now being bashed into his face. The king fled to his chariot,which, in this case was his Escalade. He then proceeded to crash this chariot into a tree, a fire hydrant, and his neighbors yard. Poor Jose must have had to round his vatos up quickly to fix that mess.
Then came the story spinning. All the kings men set out to create a story to put the king's image back together again. We were led to believe that King Woods was under the influence of Ambien causing his accident. For a while everyone was wondering the status of our king's condition hoping he was ok. It almost worked. For a moment all the King's subjects were worried and waiting for a healthy and safe recovery. Only time will really tell if Tiger ever will actually recover.
Eventually it came out that the real story behind all this was that Elin found out about one of Tiger's mistresses. Let the shit show begin. Immediately the whole situation was on every major network in the universe. Sports news shows, entertainment, news shows, financial news shows, news news shows. The Kings approval rating dipped to a level that would make George Bush Jr. say, "Man, at least I'm not Tiger." This was all expected after the true story came out. The only thing that could help would be for Tiger to return to his kingdom, apologize to his Royal Subjects, and get back to winning majors and making everyone forget. This, however, is not what happened.
Tiger Woods announced he was taking and, "Indefinite Leave." From the sport to figure this all out. However, it took some time for this to happen because no one knew what he was doing or where he was. All we did know was that he sure wasn't with his wife. Which led to what I like to call, the classic, "Well, there's no new news so lets just say the same thing over and over again but bring up different ways of looking at it angle.", the news people love to use when they have a big celebrity story and no new information to go on. Then, suddenly, more than 10 other women came out and said they had had affairs with Tiger. Then Tiger went to rehab. Sex rehab. not even Dr. Drew sex rehab. These events sparked even more media coverage. It's all pretty impressive considering this jerk never said a goddamn word the entire time. Honestly i don't know if he actually said anything for months. You would figure somebody would have overheard something or convinced him to confide in them and then immediately sell this information to the highest bidder. All there were were reports. A new one everyday consisting of whatever was said yesterday plus one new small little thing that the news teams could use as an excuse to put their, "Breaking News", banner across the screen.
Then, finally, it happened. Tiger Woods was ready to talk. In true self serviant fashion he alerted the media of this. He let them know three days or so before giving a nationally televised press conference to explain himself. No press release. No blog on his website. No private sit down with those closest to him. Tiger knew we would all be glued around our televisions hanging onto every word as he read his notes and gave an explanation. He probably thought this would be the new, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" for our generation. You wanna know what I was doing? That's a good question because I don't even remember. I could not have cared less. When Kennedy was shot I didn't even exist yet. Which, in my opinion, is a way cooler answer.
Which leads me to the triumphant return of the King. Tiger said in his statement he did not know when he was going to return. Which is funny considering every sports journalist seemed to be willing to bet everything they owned on the Master's Tournament. Guess when Tiger is returning...... The Master's. Of Course. How could a man with an ego bigger than any sand trap he's had to face not return on the biggest stage of them all in his sport. Why return for a smaller tournament to refine his skill and get used to being back in competition. Because the King is the greatest. He is the ruler. He is, "THE MASTER". So, we will soon witness the Kings return. Will his subject still support him? Will the turn their backs and seek out a new royal figure to follow? I don't know and honestly could not care less. Tiger will still have his money and fans. This will all be forgotten the first time we see that mighty fist pump. One win, and the King will be securely back on his thrown. I guess Mel Brooks said it best in the movie, " History of the world pt.1" when he said, "It's good to be the King.".

Guess who's back...........

What's crappenin' knuckleheads? I know It's been a minute since I've been out of the game,but, I'm back baby. I've been inspired by Brett Favre and have decided to make everybody wait a year or so before returning. Anyway, a lot has happened since my past postings so I should have a lot to talk about. Either that or I'll forget again and you'll have to wait for version 3.0 sometime in '11 or so. Soooo, yeah. That's it. Let the trash talking begin. Hope you still love me and I still got it. Peace!!!!

J.Nathaniel Boekesch